German

Language is an interesting beast. I didn’t realize it would be such a big deal for me. Everybody said, “Do you know ANY German?” and I was like, “Eh, no, no big deal, the family speaks English.” And they do. Speak English I mean, at least to me. But if they are just chatting with each other, or if they are talking to anybody else, or if I’m taking the kids to school, or if I go sign for a package with wet hair and mascara running down my face, or we go to a town function, or we grill with neighbors in the backyard, or pretty much anything else, its in German. Labels in German, signs in German, TV in German on and on. What did I expect? It is GERMANY for heaven’s sake. They’re allowed to speak their own language.

Its hard to really know NOTHING. I mean, if it was Spanish, I’d at least get the jist of things and be able to follow along. But German, not at all. I’ve never thought I really wanted to learn German. I mean, its not that big of a country, right? And they all learn English, right? But sitting there, next to two people who are speaking German to each other, or trying to make hand movements so that the neighbor girl understands me is hard. And it makes me feel like an idiot. What’s with that stupid American girl anyway. If she can’t speak German, why did she come? Why is she so awkward and quiet? But I can’t talk to them. Most wouldn’t understand, and how am I to know who would when all anyone ever speaks is German?

The hardest is little kids. They look at me, say something that sounds so sweet, and I just have to look at them like I’m stupid and say “Sorry, only English”, and they look at me and just blink a few times before turning away. I feel like a child. I don’t feel like myself. I feel like a bumbling fool!

Oh well, I guess. At least the mail-lady got to laugh at me, right? I guess I just need to do what my host mom says- "just smile and nod."